If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dicks are not precious.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
