if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
