my mouth tastes like poor choices
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
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