I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
