I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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