so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
