Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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