he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Vodka?
Forever.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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