suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
