after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
