Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
