dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
