so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
