oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my shit smells like andre
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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