wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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