I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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