Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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