dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
