I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
