I hate your face
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
