I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
