I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just want to make out with him forever
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
