babies were throwing up all over the place
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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