You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Let's paint friendship bongs
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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