If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
