I'm so fucking centered right now
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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