Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
