can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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