i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
