that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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