You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
