i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
