I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
