you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
