Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
