OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
