Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
