it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
