Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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