the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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