You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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