dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
