my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
