Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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