Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
