The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
