my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
