I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
