she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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