he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
