She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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