It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
