Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
