I'm pants shitting drunk right now
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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