Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize