Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
