This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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