I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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