My nipple is on Facebook.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
