My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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