Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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