did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We have started to decorate penises.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize