I puked a lego.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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