He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
