I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
