Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
