Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
