wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They took my balls.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
