i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
