Its about making memories worth repressing
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
