Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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