i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
