Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
