I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Come on in and take your pants off
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