they need to just BURY HIM!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Enjoy the penises
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
