I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
