I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
