You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
