Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
