perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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