woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
