I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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