I wannas sexs uuuuu
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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