He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I want a musical about memes.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
