12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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