Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
