i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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