Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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