and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
