I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
