i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
