Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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