True but thats because hes a fetus.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
