the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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