he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
