So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
