I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
