my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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