My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
