I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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