The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
