Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
